Our story opens in the quiet town of Vista Verde on the day of their annual turkey shoot. However this is no ordinary day as this year the event has attracted the attention of some government types performing joint exercises nearby. The lawmen and union task forces decided this event would be a good time to practice urban combat while getting a decent meal out it. So everyone spread across the town and settled in for some nice target practice.
Let’s see how our 2 groups are getting along…
Garret: “There is something I don’t get, why would there be turkeys in town?”
Hopkins: “The brass says the townsfolk run the turkeys through town for us to shoot, not like you’ll hit any.”
Garret: ” I can aim, and my gun will have them pre-cooked!”
Hopkins: “Whatever, mine has a longer barrel and superior hitting power..” snickers
Garret: “Looks like someone is compensating…”
Elsewhere in this little town the troops are succumbing to boredom…
Roscoe the line trooper: “Hmmm beans and hardtack for breakfast and not an outhouse in site…. no turkeys or civvies either…Hey Chuck is that a restaurant over yonder?
Cleetus, our intreprid lawman: “Dat dere is not just any restaurante, tis a place of legends! They say a mad scientist moonlights as the chef making burritos the size of small dogs, flaming tacos, and their special Satan’s Blood hot sauce. They had to move the seating outside due to the semi-frequent **splosions from those with more tender constitutions. And my name ain’t Chuck!!!”
Meanwhile, in the aforementioned Hell’s Gate cafe… Jesse taps his foot impatiently,
Jesse: “Alright Totem, you and Wayward said this was the best place to get food, loot, and ladies. There’s no loot and the womenfolk are no where to be seen. We’re all starving and Jake here had his heart set on one of the ***blaster burritos, ain’t that right Jake?”
Jesse: “And the thing about Jake here is he’ll eat anything so unless you find us something you may end up on the menu.”
Jake: “Heh heh, hmmmm.. crunchy…. and don’t skip on the gravy!”
Sun Totem: “Well you are in luck since this is the annual turkey shoot day, if you shoot it you get to eat it….in fact I think I hear something moving out there now…”
Not quite right Citizen: “Coming through here, I swear I’m not a turkey……..gobble, gobble…”
At the sound of those most impressive turkey noises, everyone perks up and from all corners of town you hear…..
“Did you hear that!” “Sounds like a turkey to me!” “FIRE!!!!!! “Looks like a normal guy?” “They’re crafty, must be a disguise, keep firing!!!!”
Armor roll fails, Turkeyman dies….horribly…..pretty sure it hurt….a lot….poor Turkeyman….gobble….
Needless to say, in the end this led to the first annual TRi-Faction Mystery Meat Chili Cookoff in Vista Verde history.
disclaimer: no actual turkeys were harmed in the making of this story, just some nut with bad timing…..
Written and Submitted by: Paul Plunge